So it's been awhile since my last post. Frankly it will be like that, and in all honesty this is the longest I've kept up posting. I have had to examine my motives for doing a blog in the first place. You see I like to tell myself stories. Stories that have a happy ending, stories where I make everything better for everybody. Where I have the Midas touch, where everything is golden. Writing the blog was no different. My first impulse with any new project is to jump to the end in my mind and determine just how wonderful my contribution to society will be. Even with this blog I was going to "save the world" and maybe pick up a few sponsors to help pay the bills.
Of course like most good stories the ones I tell myself have a smidgen of reality but are mostly fiction. Usually by the time I realize that, I'm too tired, lazy, or disillusioned to continue with whatever project my "stories" were about.
But this time, well this time things are a bit different. Don't get me wrong, the stories are still there. I still want to stop the killers, comfort the grieving, and yes pick up a few sponsors to help pay the bills.However that no longer is my motivation. I'm not sure what my motivation is, and I don't really care. I've finally gotten to a point in life that I can do what I want to do, just because I damn well want to do it. And if that means that I don't contribute a single blessed thing to society, well yea for me.
I've done my bit for society. I've been a good husband, a good friend, and in my opinion, an all around decent human being and it's not like that is going to stop. It's just that right now I have no agenda. I don't have to leave my mark, been there done that. My legacy is all around me and I'm content. What legacy is that you ask? None of your damn business. See!! I can do that! I've made enough of an impact on this globe that I'm fine with going "full speed ahead, phasers set on snark!" It's liberating and I highly recommend it.
For the last half-century I've tried to make the world a better place, when all I really needed to do was make a better me. I did pretty good job shaping myself, but all the time I was concerned with what effect I was having on the world in general, and beating myself up because I didn't do enough. It tore me up and I almost didn't survive. Fortunately I did and now I have some very strange (albeit wonderful) friends. One that argues with me just to see me blow up, one that seems to be amazed by my compassion and wisdom, and another that waits with a sharpened pin for my ego to get large enough, and ripe enough to burst with a satisfyingly loud POP! Sometimes a bit painful, but very funny.
What I'm trying to say with this rambling fountain of goofiness is that I'm going to keep writing as long as I want to. No idea what I'll have to say from one day to the next. that may be the coolest part. I hope you'll come along, I could use the company. send me some ideas, start a conversation, crow about your latest triumph just don't whine about how unfair it all is, because my phasers are all warmed up....
Take care of each other
Larry
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